In honor of Betty White and Jay-Z’s excellent turn last night as host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live, here’s a list piece from this year’s Women’s Issue.
Some of Jay-Z’s 99 Problems
- Seasonal Affective Disorder
- Still waiting on the Arrested Development movie
- Can’t remember where he put the Netflix return envelope
- Out of olive oil, and it’s Italian night
- Citgo mini-mart doesn’t stock Mountain Dew Livewire anymore
- Cat got sick in the living room again
- Can’t find the battery cover for the DVD remote
- Always forgets the difference between insure and ensure
- Jonathan Taylor Thomas won’t return his calls
- Racial profiling
Welcome to Yale, Class of 2014!
Looking for classes to shop? Try out the completely legitimate, absolutely official, not at all fake Yale Bluebook.
If you’re looking for more information on Tanning Everyday All Day: America’s Premier Tanning Club, please refer to the video below:
Exhausted from a whirlwind Camp Yale? Put your feet up on your roommate’s pillow and enjoy our growing archive of List Pieces, like Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Roommate on the First Night, or Cartoons, like The True Meaning of Gandalf’s Cry at the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm.
Also, submit something for the Record Prize! Go here for details. Fame! Glory! Cash Prizes!
Lastly, make sure you come to The Cucumber, the Record’s Standup Open-Mic. The inaugural 2010/2011 Cucumber will be August 30th at 11 PM in the Calhoun Cabaret. Read last year’s YDN writeup of The Cucumber here. It’s guaranteed to be a Laff Riot!*
*this guarantee will not stand up in a court of law