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December 6, 2009

Top 5 Dining Hall Rumors

1. They've been doping the food with laxative, since the head of Yale Dining found his wife having an affair with the head of Yale Plumbing.

2. They dry the trays with water.

3. Commons is lined with metal wires. Students' use of metallic silverware power President Levin's three escalades.

4. Serving in World War II, George Bush Sr. captured Emperor Hirohito's strategic tofu reserve. It was all donated to Yale in 1946.

5. No one has ever added a recipe to Yale dining's menu... and survived.

-S. Chaffetz, '12

Posted by The Yale Record at 10:39 AM

December 4, 2009

Introducing The Seven Deadly Sins Issue!

The Seven Deadly Sins Issue is here! Read about Envy Management, The Vatican's Sin Rankings, and How God Succumbed To Lust For Mary.

Posted by The Yale Record at 11:32 PM

November 13, 2009

HOW TO LOSE YOUR GUY IN SEVEN DEADLY DAYS

By L. Sedlacek

Gluttony: Does your husband ever complain that dinner isn't up to scratch? That's okay; start making gourmet dinners, and then eat as much as you can right in front of him! Either he'll be so disgusted by the image of you stuffing your cheeks with pork chops that he'll give up on eating altogether, or he'll join in with you and eat himself to death. Either way, you win!

Lust: Before all that eating catches up with you, show off the goods so you can get some goods yourself. Sure, you can lust after your husband, but why bother, when the neighbors pool boy is a Greek Adonis wearing a dripping-wet Speedo.

Continue reading "HOW TO LOSE YOUR GUY IN SEVEN DEADLY DAYS" »

Posted by The Yale Record at 5:20 PM

Introducing The Internet Issue!

The Internet Issue is here! Read about When Facebook Was Only For The Military, Harold Bloom's Google Searches, and a Family Phishing Trip.

Posted by The Yale Record at 5:19 PM

A Minute In The Life Of A Goldfish

They say that the average goldfish has an attention span of 6 seconds...

What do I do all day? That's a good question. I spend about 100% of my day swimming, give or take and--ooo fish food. I. Love. Fish food. I usually spend the whole day eating fish food. It's probably--is that a castle? What is a castle doing down here? I could stay there the entire day. I'd like to--is it just me or does that coral reef behind us look kind of flat? I've been bumping into it all day and it feels just like bumping into glass. Oh crap, not another new fish. Those little tetras eat our food all the time. And I love fish food. What is that giant eye staring at me and how the hell does it blink? I've been observing it carefully for the better part of the day and I've found--wow there are some big fish in here. I've been swimming with them most of the day and they scare the daylights out of me. I hear they use seaweed. I'm just kidding, there's no seaweed in here. Don't you hate it when you get food stuck in your fin? It's like "guess I'm not eating today." And those damn tetras will take a good 24 hours to try and sneak in and grab it, I hate tetras. I want to--I'm in a giant bag. These situations are so awkward, everybody in cramped quarters trying to pretend their friends. You end up spending a day trying to initiate a conversation about nothing. So what do I do all day? Free associate.

-J. Greenblatt

Posted by The Yale Record at 5:17 PM

Introducing The Freshman Issue!

The Freshman Issue is here! Read about Great Roommates In Yale History, Secret Secret Societies, and the Top Ten Thai Restaurants in New Haven.

Posted by The Yale Record at 5:15 PM

September 3, 2009

Introducing the Yale College Programs of Study

We at Yale begin class this week. And we at the Record have now put the Yale College Programs of Study (or bluebook) online here!

Posted by The Yale Record at 9:33 PM