Adventures Vladimir Putin Has Yet to Pursue

Playing a rodeo clown in one of Russia’s controversial bear-riding competitions
Synchronized swimming
Strip chess with opposition leader Garry Kasparov
Playing a wrestler in one of Russia’s controversial bearwrestling competitions
Starring in an Old Spice commercial
Teaming up with Kim Jong-Un for a game of vodka pong against the Clintons
Pilates
Playing a bear in one of Russia’s controversial Furry conventions
Permitting his people to vote in a fair election

—A. Gertler

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