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A Date with That Guy You Know Who's Always Bragging about the Awesome Stuff He Could Do if Only He Had the Right Equipment
By Kendall Rice '08
Tonight's your lucky night! I know a great restaurant a few blocks over, it's gonna change your life. By the way, you look beau--whoa, check out that bike rack over there! Yeah, if I had my skateboard, I'd be grinding all up on that bike rack. Bet you'd like to see that. I'll have to remember that's there.
So tell me about yourself. Any hobbies? I'm a skydiver, myself. Give me some sky and I'll just dive all over it. Sometimes I won't even use a parachute. Remind me the next time we're 20,000 feet up and I'll be happy to demonstrate.
But enough about me. Hey, is that guy being mugged? Looks pretty rough. Someone should probably do something. I know martial arts, y'know. Wish I'd brought my bo staff; I'd be messing those thugs up by now. Just like an action movie. Next time, huh?
Oh, great, we're here! Let's just open up these menus and--wait, where's the foie gras? This would've been such an awesome meal with some foie gras! You know what, I'll make it myself. Anyone have a goose? No? Bummer. Awright, garcon, just bring us a lobster or something.
So what's your major? Econ, really? That's cool. Mine's music. Shame there's no organ in this place; I do a Toccata and Fugue in d minor that'd make you shag me right here on this table. Oh, I see the piano in the corner. Trust me--it's not the same. So yeah, marginal utility curves. Wow.
By Kendall Rice '08
Tonight's your lucky night! I know a great restaurant a few blocks over, it's gonna change your life. By the way, you look beau--whoa, check out that bike rack over there! Yeah, if I had my skateboard, I'd be grinding all up on that bike rack. Bet you'd like to see that. I'll have to remember that's there.
So tell me about yourself. Any hobbies? I'm a skydiver, myself. Give me some sky and I'll just dive all over it. Sometimes I won't even use a parachute. Remind me the next time we're 20,000 feet up and I'll be happy to demonstrate.
But enough about me. Hey, is that guy being mugged? Looks pretty rough. Someone should probably do something. I know martial arts, y'know. Wish I'd brought my bo staff; I'd be messing those thugs up by now. Just like an action movie. Next time, huh?
Oh, great, we're here! Let's just open up these menus and--wait, where's the foie gras? This would've been such an awesome meal with some foie gras! You know what, I'll make it myself. Anyone have a goose? No? Bummer. Awright, garcon, just bring us a lobster or something.
So what's your major? Econ, really? That's cool. Mine's music. Shame there's no organ in this place; I do a Toccata and Fugue in d minor that'd make you shag me right here on this table. Oh, I see the piano in the corner. Trust me--it's not the same. So yeah, marginal utility curves. Wow.
Well,
I'm really flattered you invited me into your apartment. It's been
a great evening, considering what we had to work with, and now I'm
gonna give you a night to remember. That's right, baby, I'm gonna--I'm
gonna--oh. Well, I guess I'm done. Too bad. I could make such amazing
love to you if I had a bigger--
Hey,
you didn't have to slam the door in my face! Geez. I don't know
what that chick's problem was. Give me a woman with an actual personality
and I could be so emotionally fulfilled right now.
