Yale Record Blog

• Spherical paperweights
• Souvenir mugs made out of elephant dung
• Torture device key-chains, from the National Torture Museum
• Sex toy key-chains, from National Sex Toy Museum
• Key-chain key-chains, from the National Key-chain Museum
• Stale saltwater taffy
• Pressed pennies with Abe Lincoln's image on them, from the Abe Lincoln Presidential Library
• Origami condoms
• The child Brangelina didn't choose from Cambodia
• "My Grandma went to the Senior Weightlifting Olympics and all I got was this stupid shirt!" shirts
• Postcards of fat women in bathing suits
• Twin Tower salt and pepper shakers, from Saudi Arabia
• Seashells
• Jumbo-Size Holy Water Souvenir Cups, from Mecca
• New Orleans Stormglobes

Maybe you're like me and are too broke or lazy to go on a real trip, but despair not! You don't have to leave your house (or even your room) to take an awesome vacation; all you need is a personal computer. On the Internet you can travel daily to Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy's penthouse, while the forests in World of Warcraft make for great camping. You can download a neat screensaver with a palm tree that rivals the swankiest tropical resort. You can even send your friends on vacation with a nifty Facebook application.

Real vacations waste time and money, and, most importantly involve getting off my fat ass. When the world is at your fingertips, there's no need to burn any extra calories by expanding your horizons, or walking. So grab a jar of Vaseline, pour yourself a glass of Mountain Dew, and toast Al Gore, the inventor of your favorite vacation destination.