Yale Record Blog

By Aneesh Raghunandan, '11

Announcer: It's the 21^st century, and everything's going cyber! I'm here to tell you about an exciting new computer, one that's completely revolutionizing the world we know!

Camera pans to a mid-90s style computer, with the Windows 95 startup logo on screen.

Announcer: Can YOUR computer turn on with the press of ONE button? Well, the Dell Attitude 1337 for Data Computing and Word Processing certainly can! No longer do you have to untangle wires, hunt for switches, and clear several empty wall outlets before turning on your computer! ONE button and ONE wall outlet's all you need!

Camera cuts to a standard wall outlet, with only one cord plugged into the wall.

Announcer: Not only can it turn on with a single button, but you need just a combination of letters--called a password--to start using your cutting-edge new computer! 

• If Charlie Sheen were a dull object, he'd be losing his Sheen.
• If Charlie Sheen were a Christina Aguilera Platinum Hit Single, he'd sing, "I'm a Sheenie in a bottle, baby, better rub me the right way."
• If Charlie Sheen were a religion, he'd be called Sheentoism.
• If Charlie Sheen were an interactive DVD game, he'd be called "Sheen It?"
• If Charlie Sheen were an affirmation of Christian faith, he'd be called the Nisheen Creed.
• If Charlie Sheen were a dessert shop at the mall, he'd be called Sheenabon.
• If Charlie Sheen were a movie about a casino heist, he'd be called OSheen's Eleven.
• If Charlie Sheen played soccer, he'd use Sheenguards.
• If Charlie Sheen were a well-behaved child, he'd be Sheen and not heard.
• If Charlie Sheen used rock music to express his anger at his father, he'd be called Rage Against the M. Sheen.

Dear Eli Manning,
    Well, at least one Eli came out on top.
         -Yale Varsity Football

Dear Super Bowl Sunday,
    Why so many hot wings? Why so many nachos? Why so much beer?
         Upset,
         Super Bowel Monday

Dear Tom Brady,
    You're still awesome.
         Love,
         Tom Brady

Dear Britney Spears,
    We appreciate your offer to perform at the halftime show, but we are looking for somebody who's less past their prime and washed up. We chose Tom Petty.
         Sincerely,
         The Super Bowl Halftime Show Committee

Dear New England Patriots,
    When we said you could be like the '72 Dolphins, we meant you could be like they were in 1972.
         -Sports Illustrated