Yale Record Blog

By Ben Orlin '09

To be diagnosed with March Madness, a patient must present with no fewer than four (4) of the following emotional or behavioral disturbances, for a period of no fewer than two (2) weeks, beginning no later than the Round of Thirty-Two (32):

• Diminished productivity at work or school
• Uncontrollable mood swings
• Overuse of Cinderella metaphors
• Compulsive refreshing of ESPN.com
• Irrational hatred of Duke University
• Hallucinations of charging
• Picking two 11-seeds to go to the Elite Eight

Note that March Madness is highly comorbid with Pennant Fever. No proven treatment exists, but if UCLA loses in the final four, then a maintenance dose of pretzels and beer can reduce depressive symptoms.

Many people think of the Weather Girls--best known for the dance hit "It's Raining Men"--as a one-hit wonder. Not so. Among their other songs:

• It's Hailing Men
• It's Misting Men
• It's Groundswelling Men
• It's a Cool Low-Pressure System Moving in From the West... of Men
• It's Drizzling Hermaphrodites
• It's Sleeting Meat
• Cloudy with a Chance of Men
• 7 to 9 Inches
  

By Ben Orlin '09

A month before he resigned from office, Eliot Spitzer was asked by an old friend if he liked being governor of New York. "I hate it," he answered. "Really?" the friend asked. "Yeah, I'd rather be a high-school teacher."

-Newsweek, March 24, 2008

MR. SPITZER: Okay, class. Welcome back from break. Let's resume our study of American history with a little quiz on governmental ethics.
STUDENT #1: Aw, Mr. Spitzer, a pop quiz on the first day back?

The Machine Issue is here! Read all about the world's first telephone conversation, how to inappropriately use government computer equipment, the history of butt-photocopying, and all the inclined plane and iPod jokes you could ever want.

Click on the cover to read two sample articles and look for it in your nearest dining hall!

From the author of The Bible and its gripping sequel, The Book of Mormon, we are proud to announce God's Laboratory: The Man, The Myth, The Maker, now in its second edition with a forward by Carl Sagan. Follow The Lord on a journey through human technology past, present, and future, presented through stunning excerpts from his personal laboratory journal. But you don't have to believe me because I'm a paragraph; just take a look at these excerpts omitted from the previous edition:

The Sharpened Bone: "I thought that natural selection might need a helping hand." 

Television: "This should keep them distracted while I figure out what the hell is going on in Africa."

The Ostrich: "I think irony is my strongest suit."