Yale Record Blog

• AK-47s
• Radioactive fallout
• Carbon dioxide
• Heat
• Ebola
• Land mines
• Amputation

• Michael Jackson: "The role of the jury is to judge its peers. There is no one in this solar system who is remotely similar to me. Except Bubbles, and he's innocent."
• John Kerry: "One is disqualified by toolbaggery, isn't one?"
• Harold Bloom: "Because the rape of Jane Doe fails to live up to Shakespeare's Rape of Lucrece."
• Jerry Seinfeld: "It's too hard to squeeze situational humor out of a murder-suicide."
• Richard Levin: "I am a Chinese citizen."
• Det. John Shaft: "It's my duty to protect that booty. And last I checked, over 80 percent of lawyers, judges, bailiffs, and the indicted are male."
• Chuck Norris: "Because a roundhouse to the nuts is considered 'cruel and unusual.'"
• Bill Clinton: "I did not have sex with that stenographer. Yet."
• William Hung: "A Hung jury is a bad thing, right?"

• Building sandcastles
• Watching the television station
• Paper-mache with inflated currency
• Imagining playing golf
• Going to the bazaar to try on the spring line of flak jackets
• Not getting tortured
• Thinking of synonyms for "Godless infidel"
• Recharging one's batteries--of rage
• Choking back tears

• "Yale Bubble" force field
• 2 new residential colleges in China
• Golden calf for Divinity School
• Ski lift up Science Hill
• Quinnipiac-Toad's Skybridge
• Making the Art & Architecture building uglier
• Women's Tablecloth
• A Starbucks closer to campus
• 500-foot-tall Jenga tower
• $150 million Construction Memorial Monument
  

• Premiere of Day After the Day After Tomorrow
• Barbara Walters No Longer Frigid Bitch, Now Merely Bitch
• Elderly Jews Must Learn to Flee Polar Bears
• Law and Order: SVU Canceled After Ice T Melts
• Season Four of Lost Reveals the Island to be Antarctica
• Vanilla Ice Nostalgia Sweeps Nation
• Thawed Ted Williams Helps Red Sox Capture Division
• NatiIce Gets Worse
• Frozen Food Section Renamed Food Section
• Kevin Costner Wins Lifetime Achievement Award for Waterworld
• Icey-Hot Deemed Prophetic
• California Roommates Stop Bitching About the Weather

Eradicating evil from the planet isn't a one person task. The Record exposes little-known sidekicks who help superheroes get the job done.

• Captain America -- Private the Philippines
• Spiderman -- The Very Hungry Caterpillar
• The Green Lantern -- The Mauve Flashlight
• The Human Torch -- The Amphibious Menorah
• Captain Planet -- Lieutenant Pluto
• The Invisible Woman -- Guy with a Forgettable Face
• The Thing -- That Other Thing
• Daredevil -- Seatbelt Man
• Cyclops -- Favorite Ram
• Wolverine -- Nectarine 
• Professor X -- Associate Lecturer Z
• Storm -- Tropical Depression
• Beast -- PBR

• You're a lot cuter than my last cell-mate.
• Can my kids stay here?
• My water just broke.
• Awww...I thought there was gonna be one queen-sized bed.
• My girlfriend goes to Qpac.
• Hey, my name's Jeff Hitler, what's yours?
• What's your World of Warcraft name?
• I think every dude should learn to live with another's man stench at some point, don't you?
• Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
• What residential college are you in?