The Yale Record | Archive

Dear KLM,…

Dear KLM, When I was told that you were a nice Dutch airline, I anticipated something more along the lines of free weed and prostitutes, not a personal entertainment system and less inedible food. —A man whose expectations are perfectly reasonable

Dear Susan,…

Dear Susan, You know, things weren’t so bad, really, when we were together. I know the breakup was rough, but I’m still glad we had each other for a brief period. Yours, Somebody who watches Susan while she sleeps but has never spoken to her

Dear George Lucas,…

Dear George Lucas, It’s a bummer you sold LucasFilms to Disney. You should be the one to write and direct the next three films. Sincerely, No one ever

Dear High School Integration,…

Dear high school integration, You suck. I hate you. —A man who is either really racist or has a relatively common view of difficult math courses

Dear Annapolis,…

Dear Annapolis, Nice town, but a little mainstream, don’t you think? Sincerely, Indianapolis

Dear Swanson’s Chicken Broth,…

Dear Swanson’s Chicken Broth, In your commercials, you say that I should look for your product in the “broth aisle.” First of all: There is no such thing as a broth aisle. What the fuck kind of grocery stores are you shopping at, Swanson’s? Grocery stores where every aisle only has one product? That kind [...]

Dear Game Theory Professor,…

Dear game theory professor, Well, you’ve really got me in a dilemma. If I cooperate with my study group on this problem set, then we’ll all have less work to do. If, on the other hand, I betray them and do no work at all, then I’ll have the advantage, because they’ll be stuck picking [...]