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National Novel Writing Month: A Writer’s Experience
10/31/12: I’ve got the whole plot laid out, and it isn’t even November! I am going to own this month. Wait. Something just came to me… MY FIRST SENTENCE! RIGHT IN MY HEAD! Do I dare type you before the month begins? Yes! I do! “A shot in…
Times Not to Say, “Oh, How Droll!”
When listening to the daily specials at a restaurant In a DS paper After a murder After a eulogy As someone is confessing to a murder After being asked for your license and vehicle registration After blowing a .25 After being asked on a date During sex After…
The Stalking Log of Winston Everett Pennydollar IV
September 19, 2:02 pm: I saw Ginevra again. I was at the club, polishing my clubs and inspecting my balls, when she strode right out in front of me. For a second, I thought she had seen me. But then she walked on. As usual, I followed. September…
Things Your Nanny Says to Your Children While You’re on Holiday
Mommy isn’t the first “Mommy” who hung around the estate—just the first who turned out to be fertile.…
What Are Rich People Hiding Under Their Top Hats?
Greasy toupees Lice Giant foreheads Smaller top hats Pet mice The real Osama Bin Laden The pet mice’s…
Ways to Be More Eccentric
Wear two monocles instead of glasses Start offering people “friendship bracelets” woven from your own hair Read books upside-down…
Schedule of Batman’s Butler, Alfred
[Click the image below to see it in full size.] —Written by I. Gonzalez, Designed by S. Stern…
Pick-Up Lines to Use at the Clubs in Newport
Why the bifocals, you ask? They let me try more… positions. People tell me I remind them of…