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Virginia Earthquake 2011
Yesterday, an earthquake rocked the Northeast. What were its effects?
• Gave soft East Coasters taste of daredevil Pacific Rim lifestyle
• 83,000+ panicked, non-retractable marriage proposals
• Finally got the bag of Fritos hanging out of B3
• Beaches crowded with disappointed people waiting to commit tsuicide
• Seismologists become only occupation to post job gains this quarter
• Virginia gets even more Federal money
• meatball sub spilled on khakis at important client lunch
• Granddads and grandsons all along Eastern Seaboard headin’ to the attic and dustin’ off the ol’ Richter to see if there’s a lil’ juice left in ‘er
• Confirmed suspicions of 10% of US that gays will be our undoing
• Gave Malia opening she needed to steal Sasha’s diary, finally read about what slumber parties are like
• Countless tasteless tweets by professional athletes
• Foiled Dr. Claw’s plan at last moment in way that seems like Gadget’s doing
• 23 games of Jenga ended prematurely
• Caused Dr. Ed Patrick, 57, to finally admit once and for all that he should have married the woman he loved, not the woman his parents chose for him
• Freaked shit out of me
—Staff
5 Responses to Virginia Earthquake 2011
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Scrapbook
Sex Before the Internet #8
When small talk won’t work.
Who’s Who #14: Bill Murray
A Cinderella story.
Sound Advice
I bet she throws like a girl.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Disregard the ad; I’ll hump anything that moves.
Girl Power #3
And to think she’s doing it backwards in heels.
Sex Before the Internet #7
10 bucks says that guy has some performance anxiety tonight. Any takers?
Chernicoff
August 24, 2011 at 6:15 pm
Just so we’re clear:
The above? Jokes.
This? Serious.
Chernicoff
August 24, 2011 at 6:16 pm
Hm. Link didn’t work. So much for html in comments.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/ridiculous-explanations-for-the-east-coast-earthqu
jmt
August 24, 2011 at 10:36 pm
Chernicoff, that link is the reason I can’t tell employers in CA I was a religious studies major.
Chernicoff
August 25, 2011 at 8:58 am
I don’t think that link has anything to do with not wanting your employers to learn that you fabricated a major.
jnewsham
August 25, 2011 at 10:46 am
Better title for that linked piece: Lazy Buzzfeed editor searches facebook for “earthquake,” “God,” “angry with America,” “Jesus,” “Obama,” “Christian,” “liberals” and “gay marriage,” throws together results. Instant funny! Instant ad revenue!